she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
