Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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