Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
