I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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