She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
