yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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