I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize