Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
