my mouth tastes like poor choices
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
