I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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