dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
