Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
