whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
