I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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