he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
