You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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