i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
