I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
