Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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