Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
