Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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