Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
