You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
