i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
