Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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