i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
there is puke in my bra ... again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
