your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
