20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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