My sheets look like a crime scene.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize