I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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