if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
