On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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