Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
is wine microwaveable?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We're too hungover to prance.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
