If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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