I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
