I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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