I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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