You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
