you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
