I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
