if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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