fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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