Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
