im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
