I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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