Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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