No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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