Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
