Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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