I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
