my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
