I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am spending my child support on dildos
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
