Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
