just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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