I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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