Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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