I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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