i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
