oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
