We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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