Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
