so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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