He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
