True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
