The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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