Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
