So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
