even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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