he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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