I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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