I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
