I got chris browned last night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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