the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
