He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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